Monday, January 26, 2009

Thank you.

Thank you so much for all your heartfelt comments and emails. This blog, which was originally started as a way for my mom to see pictures of the boys, has become much more than that. It has become my journal and outlet as I walk through life. I have also wanted this to be a place of refreshing leading anyone who reads to the Word of God. It is only there that we are refreshed.
"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:14
Yesterday, I woke up just wanting to get to the room where the elders were going to be praying for me in between services. That is all I was thinking about. No shower... JUST GET ME TO THAT ROOM. I believed with my whole heart that God was going to heal me through this prayer. I needed it too. The headaches, muscle twitching, joint pain were becoming unbearable.
God had to show up because I was in trouble.
These verses were all that were going through my head...
"Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;
Answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.
Come near and rescue me."
Psalm 69:16-18
The nursery lady asked me how I was as I dropped off Lake and I LOST it. I mean ugly-cried.
Her husband was going to be in that room. I just needed to get there.
After the Church service, we went into a little tiny room where the elders and pastors entered one at a time. I also had a few friends in there. I was surrounded by godly (and I mean GODLY) people listening to me as I poured my heart out to them.
They took turns praying over me and the Power of God was evident.
I could hear the music from the second service begin as the choir sang and it was glorious.
When I opened my eyes, I realized that the burning bush telling me I was healed was not there, there was no angel, there was no hand writing on the wall. I was not healed. I thanked and hugged them and then we walked out of that room. I asked Tim to go get the boys as I walked to the van not wanting to talk to anyone.
As I walked alone through the gravel parking lot, the scripture I had read that morning echoed in my head....
"Sing, O daughter of Zion."
Zeph 3:14
So, I sang.
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Blessed be Your glorious name.
The healing had not come. No burning bush or floating hand.
BUT!!! the burden had been lifted. I cannot even describe what a blessing it was to feel carried and lifted up and placed at the feet of Jesus. The unbearable weight became bearable. I know God heard our prayers. I think I was healed from crushing despair. I believe the healing will come and I know He will give me grace until then. Not that this is easy, it isn't. It is scary and horrible but God continues to allow it so it must be GOOD and producing good. Remember, God always brings worth to our suffering. Also remember, that if the Word of God says it is Light and you walk outside and all you see is pitch-black darkness, IT IS LIGHT. It doesn't matter how it seems because God's Word trumps our circumstances.
The boys got into the car with their crafts from Sunday School.
They had drawn a picture of raging waves with the words,
"Even the wind and the waves and obey him".
Mark 4:41
I know that is true and I know that everything bows in submission to Jesus. All of creation. Everything.
Even this stupid disease. (if you are dying of curiosity about what in the world is wrong with me,
you can read the short version HERE).
So, now... it is one foot in front of the other.I had blood work done this morning. I will start back on medicine tonight and see the Dr in NY in Feb. I will continue to pray for healing as we see the best doctors in the country for this. I cannot give up in prayer because I am the persistent widow (Luke 18). ;)
"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and
NOT GIVE UP." Luke 18:1
If you have prayed for me, thank you.
I honestly think I witnessed a miracle in the hospital room the other night with the sweet lady with the fever. God does do miracles. He chooses when and who for His glory... and for our good. We simply continue to ask and trust.
If you are sick, go to your elders and have them pray for you.
I cannot believe what a gift Prayer is as is The Church.
"Our prayers lay the track down by which God's power can come.
Like a mighty locomotive, his power is irresistable, but it cannot reach us without rails."
Watchman Nee
This video is an example of why I can't stay sad long around here.
What a joy these crazy boys are!
I lovingly refer to this video as
Random side note..
My friend Tami asked me if I would post this on my blog... :)

Lucky is a full grown male dog that is super sweet and cuddly. He only weighs about 10 pounds. He is excellent with my two boys who are ages 5 and 1. We really want to find him a good home because he is a great dog. We rescued him one night when we heard a dog crying on our front porch, shivering and hungry. We took him in and called all our neighbors to see if anyone would claim him, but no one knew who he belonged to. Its obvious he is an inside dog, because he loves to curl up on the couch and he loves to cuddle. A true lap dog. Our family did not intend to keep him, so we are trying to find him a good home. Please email me at if you would like more information about Lucky. We are praying he will get adopted soon and be a blessing to his new family.


Erin Southwell said...

I would like to think that I was on my knees in prayer for you on Sunday morning, in church, at the same time the elders were praying over you.

I'm glad there was an answer to prayer, even if it wasn't the one that WE all wanted, we can rejoice that it was the answer HE wanted . . . and that you feel better for it.

Still praying . . .

and I can't even look at that precious little doggy, see my latest blog post, my dad would kill me. :)

Angela said...

Oh, Steph, I am crying right along with you. I am so heartbroken that you're sick yet so blessed by your faithfulness to the Lord. We need to get together soon. This is a crazy week but maybe sometime next week? :)

Julie said...

my heart is with you...continuing to pray.

keep breathing...hope will come again and again and again...


The Bontekoes said...

Only have a minute - had to tell you. Gerrit came to me again today about the "valley of dry bones". He asked me if the people coming back to life were healed and I assured him they were. He then informed me that if God could bring the bones back to life then his Kakee (sister Kate) and Reece's mom could be healed by God. I WANT that child like faith. Let's keep trusting - I can't imagine the alternative, can you? Praying for great strength and wisdom (given liberally by God) and that no matter what we will be righteous, responsible, integrity filled, mighty people of God. Blessings darling girl - see you later this week.

BethAnne said...

I am still praying for your complete healing, but thankful that you are giving testimony of God's faithfulness while you wait for Him to move on your behalf.........Brings Job 13 to my mind....."Though He slay me, I will hope in Him"......

Abby Davis said...

Here praying for you, Steph! Stay strong and have peace in knowing that God is with you and hears your cries.

The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them ALL; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Psalm 34:17-20

...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Diana Simpson said...

how amazing girl that you have so many wonderful people lifting you up in prayer to our most high father? you are blessed! I love you. dd