Monday, June 4, 2018

Racing Against Horses

Oh how I miss writing! It helps me process. It helps me share what God has shared with me. My days are crammed with so much life. There is no time to sit. I stand in the kitchen feeding people most of the day. God has given me a full life and I LOVE IT! 
Belle is growing and she has stolen my heart completely. Maybe because she is just a straight-up-surprise-gift that we didn't have the faith to plan. Or maybe it's because we are older and know to savor every second of life.
Or maybe God just wanted to blow us away with His love.

I have honestly struggled because she feels so holy.
TOO HOLY for me. Like I am standing on holy ground around her. They are all holy but there is something tangibly holy about a 6 pound baby. She's delicate and lovely. She's a girly girl. I feel God's presence around her. I KNOW God planned her before He planned the oceans. I just weep feeling unworthy to be the mother to these 8 world changers.

I couldn't even write about motherhood on Mother's Day because it is such a humbling day for me. I could have never done anything to deserve these children. I fail them daily yet God chose me for this. 
People tell me all the time, "I don't know how you do it". I tell them, "It's all THE LORD". This was His plan for me! I don't  know why but I'm sure Moses, Abraham, Joseph, Mary, and every other very human person struggled with God's supernatural calling on their life too. It doesn't make sense. Grace NEVER MAKES SENSE.
How many children to have is such a prayerful thing in every marriage. It is a matter of marching in step with the Spirit. The only way I know how to describe how I had 8 children is... I was compelled.
We were compelled. There was warfare. There are seasons of faithlessness and fatigue. But by God's grace and willing hearts, we completed the work He assigned to us. We can't do it in our own strength. We couldn't have raised one child in our own strength. We are 8 children beyond our natural capacities! Yet His calling on our marriage and lives remains- to raise these children to know and serve God.
I believe God is raising up Christian couples to have larger families. 
Just normal couples living for Jesus whose hearts are being tugged by the Spirit.

There is no magic number. The lady with the mite gave more than the rich dude! It's not about numbers. It's about the heart. It's about faith. It's about calling. I praise God for couples who are stepping out in faith and asking God what He wants for their family. It may be one child. It may be 12. 
Obedience and sacrifice always come with a cost.
Having children has cost us a lot. A lot of money. Sanity! My body has suffered. Our comfort has suffered along with many other comforts. 
But I see motherhood as a major part of how I worship. 
When I have complications after delivery, I praise God because (like David said) how could I bring a sacrifice to the Lord that cost me nothing? 
I am amazed that my body was able to be used to bring 8 more people into this world! Praise God for those varicose veins! Think of what Jesus's body went through to give us life! Praise God we get to identify with Him through bringing children into this world! Motherhood truly has saved me! It has saved me from MYSELF. 

The verse I can't stop thinking of is John12:24
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
That is such a picture of motherhood. Life pours out of us as we surrender and die to self! 
With Jesus, death=ABUNDANT LIFE!

Image result for kernel of wheat
This has been a very hard season for me. Physical/Health issues+the darkness that comes from post partum and exhaustion but God always pulls me through! 
I am so thankful. He resurrects and rebuilds us mommas to make us better than we ever were before! I think the dark season after you have a baby is because you are truly taking ground from the enemy and you can feel it. 
God is so faithful to heal and restore.
I have been thinking a lot about the process of healing.
Multiple times in the Bible, healing was a process. It wasn't instant.
Sometimes the sick person had to go do something out of obedience to find healing.
Sometimes Jesus did a partial healing before the complete healing came.
"When they arrived at Bethsaida, some people brought a blind man to Jesus, and they begged him to touch the man and heal him.  Jesus took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village. Then, spitting on the man’s eyes, he laid his hands on him and asked, “Can you see anything now?”
 The man looked around. “Yes,” he said, “I see people, but I can’t see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around.”
 Then Jesus placed his hands on the man’s eyes again, and his eyes were opened. His sight was completely restored, and he could see everything clearly."
Mark 8

Don't be discouraged if you are still waiting for complete healing of your body, or your marriage, or your family! Sometimes it is a process. 
But there is purpose in the process!
We get a little insight into "the why" in the process in Deuteronomy 7...

"The LORD your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you. But the LORD your God will deliver them over to you, throwing them into great confusion until they are destroyed."

God sees the big picture. He is doing everything at just the right time (little by little) because He is PROTECTING you from what you can't see.

I have been noticing a lot about how Jesus served and operated during His short time here.

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16
He purposely went to lonely places to pray. I HATE lonely places. He sought them out.  
Just *maybe* ;) Jesus still inhabits the lonely places. Maybe our lonely places are ON PURPOSE. I’m gonna follow His example and seek out solitude to spend time in prayer. I have a mentor/friend who goes away alone every year just to pray. That is a true discipline. I think social media has fried our brains so that they can't be still enough to pray any more. I know I struggle with that.

"all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them" John 8:2

 He wasn’t a "stage/platform guy". He SAT DOWN! He humbled Himself. He let go of status. He just loved people. I think we are living in a selfie world full of people desiring ministry status (if there is such a thing). Jesus motivates me to SIT DOWN and meet people where they are. Especially my kids.
I have no desire for limelight. I want to walk in HIS LIGHT. An unnamed child of mine wants to be famous more than anything. I tell her :)  "be famous in God's eyes". 
I crave anonymity more than ever these days. Just let me be faithful, Lord... changing diapers and teaching toddlers your Word. Help me to SIT DOWN and teach the people around me.

"When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”  So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.”
John 21

He cooked yummy breakfast. He found joy in serving food.
I feed 10 people 3 times a day. I could use some new passion in this area!  My homemaking skills are not cutting it lately.  Even with my beloved Cindy.
There are simply a lot of messy oxen in this barn that are gonna produce a harvest one day!
Proverbs 14:4
I have always been a wing-it-girl. I truly have always been the girl who just wants to have fun. Well, you can't do that with 9 starving people all around you. God help me love my JOB of serving food. Give me creative ideas how to feed an army every day! 

( I also love that it says EVEN WITH SO MANY {fish} THE NET WAS NOT TORN because sometimes I worry our quiver may bust open because it's too full but not with Jesus!! lol. The enemy (and the world) love to tell us that we have too many kids. Only Jesus can prevent the net from tearing because it's full. It should have torn. But it didn't! It was full of LARGE HEALTHY FISH. Again, how many children you have is between your husband, you, and the Lord. It is hard to have that "one more" but God will give you the grace you need to survive it. I am living proof. My net should have torn a long time ago.)

Jesus loves full houses. :)
"I want my house to be full."
Luke 14:23

I found this verse the other day and LOVED it:

“If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you RACE AGAINST HORSES? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭12:5‬ ‭

 I’m so thankful with Jesus we can not only walk on water but we can RACE AGAINST HORSES. That’s what having 8 kids feels like.  I want God to teach me how to race against horses. Life with Christ is the greatest adventure.


Image result for running with horses

Our identity is not in motherhood because there is a name even greater!
Our identity is in Jesus!
"a name better than sons and daughters; 
I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever."
Is 56:5

Don't find your identity only in being a wife or being a mother. We identify with the name of Jesus and raise children IN HIS NAME.
I am all about having babies.
You have to have a STRONG HUSBAND to bear the weight of it.
You have to have a strong marriage.
You have to have a strong relationship with Jesus.
Focus on those things. Then you will have the strength you need if you feel like God is calling you to have another child to raise for God's glory. Yes, it is HARD. The hardest thing I will ever do on earth. When Tim and I got married, I gave him a globe and told him I wanted to change the world. I could have NEVER dreamed it would look like this. :) 
I am so thankful for these 8 children. I am so thankful I get to be a mom. I am so thankful for GRACE in the journey and a God Who has promised to do this impossible job through me... if I stay out of His way.
Be encouraged sweet sisters. God is calling you to run with horses. I don't pretend to know what that means in your life but God will show you. 
Keep abiding and watch Him do what only He can do.
If you don't know Christ as your Savior, open your Bible.
You will find Him there.

Love and miss all of my blog friends.
What sweet days those were.
Write me any time! Love hearing from you.

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