Me.

So many of you have asked how I am doing. Thank you so much for caring about me and for praying for me. I haven't talked about it because I have just been waiting to see what would happen off of the antibiotics. I feel like the little munchkins who peek around the bushes to see if the wicked witch is really gone in the Wizard of Oz (thanks for the analogy, Tracy). I am inching out wondering if it is safe. I don't know yet. I had a day at the beach where my joints hurt a lot. I got panicky. I spent time with the Lord reading through Mark. In chapter 4, I read about when Jesus takes the disciples in the boat and says "Let us go to the other side". It says a furious storm came and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was sleeping and the disciples woke Him up and said, "DON'T YOU CARE IF WE DROWN?". Honestly, that is how I feel when I think about having to make more trips to NY or take more antibiotics or that this is not over.

My heart also begins to wonder, "Jesus, don't you care if I drown?". I KNOW this isn't true but my heart tends to go there like the disciples when I panic. In the story, Jesus stands up and says to the waves, "Quiet! Be still". The waves immediately obey Him. Everything is under His control. Jesus told His disciples in the beginning that they were going to get to the other side. They must have forgotten when the storm came. It is so easy to forget God's promises to us when we are in the middle of a storm that tests our faith. That is why we have to stay in the WORD and remember God's faithfulness to us in the past.

"If your law had not been my delight I would have perished in my affliction."

Psalm 119:92

It was such a blessing to be at the beach around His awesome creation as I go through this vulnerable time. I was reminded of His greatness every time I would turn around.

Through the waves, the sand (I love the verse that says His thoughts toward us outnumber the grains of sand), my beautiful children, my loving husband who listens to me and prays for me (*wait on God's best, single girls*), the sunset, the birds, even the fascinating crabs. :)

Next in Mark 5, I read about the woman who was sick for 12 years and pushed through the crowds to touch the hem of Jesus' robe. She thought, "If I could just touch his clothes, I will be healed". She was healed immediately. That is what I want and hope for. I imagine myself pushing through the crowds just to be near Jesus... to touch Him... to be freed by Him.

This not only applies to physical illness but spiritual illness as well. If you do not know Christ, if you have never committed your life to follow Him and be forgiven by Him, push through the crowds to touch the hem of His robe. Be freed immediately. He loves You. I touched the hem of His robe when I was in college and His power set me free and I was immediately healed spiritually. Nov. 1 is actually my spiritual birthday. It has been 12 years since the day I was alone in my room, opened my Bible, saw my need for a savior and asked Christ to come into my life. I have never wanted to leave such a great Love. Jesus has lavished His love on me for 12 years. I must continue to push through the crowds (of life) to be near Him. He is my Hope in all things. He has always proven Himself faithful and true.

Next, I read about a man named Jairus whose daughter was sick (also in Mark 5). He begged Jesus to come and heal her. She died on His way there. Jairus' friends came and said, "Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher any more?". IGNORING what they said, Jesus told him, "Don't be afraid, just believe." Jesus then raised his daughter from the dead.

All that to say... I don't know what is going to happen with my health yet. I have had symptoms that still scare me. I want to panic and say, "Don't you care if I drown?" but I know it isn't true. He does care. He is at work in me... in this situation. His perfect work is being completed through this.
I still plead for complete healing. Tim and his dad (who is a pastor in Michigan- that is why Son of a Preacher Man is on my playlist) laid hands on me and anointed me with oil ( a little tiny drop on my forehead) while we were at the beach. We asked God for this to be over and for complete healing. I will continue to ask. I am doing pretty good though and mostly thankful to be off of horrible medications. But, I definitely can feel scared and weary. In those moments, I hear a still small voice that says...

"Don't be afraid. Just believe."

I pray you can do the same thing in your trial. He is so close to you..He hears your every prayer and is at work. You may not see it yet, but He is making something beautiful from your suffering. Thank you for praying. Time will tell. You can pray for me to not be afraid.

Speaking of not being afraid, the Fear Not party is fast approaching and I am so excited about it.

I hope I can pull it off.

I'm sure there will be lots of pictures.

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"Jesus, help us to push through the crowds to be near You everyday. Give us hearts that see our desperate need for You daily and the motivation to reach out to touch Your robe because we know you are our Healer... spiritually, emotionally, physically. Help us to not panic and believe things that are not true during trials but to push harder through the crowds toward You. Thank You for how You shower us with goodness. How You give us grace to endure. Thank You that You can perform miracles in the most hopeless situations. Thank You that You DO care and that You demonstrated Your love for us on the cross. You continue to pour out Your love on us. We are thankful.

We are Yours.

Use our trials. Use our blessings. It is ALL for Your glory."

**Notice the little tiny boat in the back of this picture. It reminds me of how small our trials are compared to the beauty God is making out of them.

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ps Lake climbed out of his crib today.

He is 19 months old.

My life is about to radically change.

I am not sure I am ready for this yet. ;)