Monday, October 27, 2008

Me.

So many of you have asked how I am doing. Thank you so much for caring about me and for praying for me. I haven't talked about it because I have just been waiting to see what would happen off of the antibiotics. I feel like the little munchkins who peek around the bushes to see if the wicked witch is really gone in the Wizard of Oz (thanks for the analogy, Tracy). I am inching out wondering if it is safe. I don't know yet. I had a day at the beach where my joints hurt a lot. I got panicky. I spent time with the Lord reading through Mark. In chapter 4, I read about when Jesus takes the disciples in the boat and says "Let us go to the other side". It says a furious storm came and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was sleeping and the disciples woke Him up and said, "DON'T YOU CARE IF WE DROWN?". Honestly, that is how I feel when I think about having to make more trips to NY or take more antibiotics or that this is not over.
My heart also begins to wonder, "Jesus, don't you care if I drown?". I KNOW this isn't true but my heart tends to go there like the disciples when I panic. In the story, Jesus stands up and says to the waves, "Quiet! Be still". The waves immediately obey Him. Everything is under His control. Jesus told His disciples in the beginning that they were going to get to the other side. They must have forgotten when the storm came. It is so easy to forget God's promises to us when we are in the middle of a storm that tests our faith. That is why we have to stay in the WORD and remember God's faithfulness to us in the past.
"If your law had not been my delight I would have perished in my affliction."
Psalm 119:92
It was such a blessing to be at the beach around His awesome creation as I go through this vulnerable time. I was reminded of His greatness every time I would turn around.
Through the waves, the sand (I love the verse that says His thoughts toward us outnumber the grains of sand), my beautiful children, my loving husband who listens to me and prays for me (*wait on God's best, single girls*), the sunset, the birds, even the fascinating crabs. :)
Next in Mark 5, I read about the woman who was sick for 12 years and pushed through the crowds to touch the hem of Jesus' robe. She thought, "If I could just touch his clothes, I will be healed". She was healed immediately. That is what I want and hope for. I imagine myself pushing through the crowds just to be near Jesus... to touch Him... to be freed by Him.
This not only applies to physical illness but spiritual illness as well. If you do not know Christ, if you have never committed your life to follow Him and be forgiven by Him, push through the crowds to touch the hem of His robe. Be freed immediately. He loves You. I touched the hem of His robe when I was in college and His power set me free and I was immediately healed spiritually. Nov. 1 is actually my spiritual birthday. It has been 12 years since the day I was alone in my room, opened my Bible, saw my need for a savior and asked Christ to come into my life. I have never wanted to leave such a great Love. Jesus has lavished His love on me for 12 years. I must continue to push through the crowds (of life) to be near Him. He is my Hope in all things. He has always proven Himself faithful and true.
Next, I read about a man named Jairus whose daughter was sick (also in Mark 5). He begged Jesus to come and heal her. She died on His way there. Jairus' friends came and said, "Your daughter is dead, why bother the teacher any more?". IGNORING what they said, Jesus told him, "Don't be afraid, just believe." Jesus then raised his daughter from the dead.
All that to say... I don't know what is going to happen with my health yet. I have had symptoms that still scare me. I want to panic and say, "Don't you care if I drown?" but I know it isn't true. He does care. He is at work in me... in this situation. His perfect work is being completed through this.
I still plead for complete healing. Tim and his dad (who is a pastor in Michigan- that is why Son of a Preacher Man is on my playlist) laid hands on me and anointed me with oil ( a little tiny drop on my forehead) while we were at the beach. We asked God for this to be over and for complete healing. I will continue to ask. I am doing pretty good though and mostly thankful to be off of horrible medications. But, I definitely can feel scared and weary. In those moments, I hear a still small voice that says...
"Don't be afraid. Just believe."
I pray you can do the same thing in your trial. He is so close to you..He hears your every prayer and is at work. You may not see it yet, but He is making something beautiful from your suffering. Thank you for praying. Time will tell. You can pray for me to not be afraid.
Speaking of not being afraid, the Fear Not party is fast approaching and I am so excited about it.
I hope I can pull it off.
I'm sure there will be lots of pictures.
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"Jesus, help us to push through the crowds to be near You everyday. Give us hearts that see our desperate need for You daily and the motivation to reach out to touch Your robe because we know you are our Healer... spiritually, emotionally, physically. Help us to not panic and believe things that are not true during trials but to push harder through the crowds toward You. Thank You for how You shower us with goodness. How You give us grace to endure. Thank You that You can perform miracles in the most hopeless situations. Thank You that You DO care and that You demonstrated Your love for us on the cross. You continue to pour out Your love on us. We are thankful.
We are Yours.
Use our trials. Use our blessings. It is ALL for Your glory."
**Notice the little tiny boat in the back of this picture. It reminds me of how small our trials are compared to the beauty God is making out of them.


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ps Lake climbed out of his crib today.
He is 19 months old.
My life is about to radically change.
I am not sure I am ready for this yet. ;)

10 comments:

gillian said...

What a beautiful prayer! And that last picture is beautiful too! Praying for you...

BethAnne said...

I am still praying for you. Hang in there, God is using your illness to encourage His people.

Erin said...

I am praying for you Steph, and praying that you will not be afraid. Thank you for such a beautiful post. Blessings, sister!

Jill said...

Thanks for the update and the encouragement. I am reminded again that except for grace, we are not different from the Israelites traveling through the wasteland. Finding the Lord in control and proving his power again and again. A few days out and they question and wonder if he is around. I also understand better now why they built the altars. It was as a reminder. To look back and see His hand at work. To tell the story to their kids.

Know He delights in you. He sees how you are living Psalm 78:4 "We will not hide these words from our children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,his power, and the wonders he has done."

I am looking forward to your pics of the party and I see you have your own mermaid picture. HA!

Nicole said...

Wow...you are so amazing. I am not sure I could be as strong as you even though I know we are supposed to be...it is really hard. That was beautiful though!!! I will continue to pray for you and I do believe you are changing many peoples lives with your trial and how well you are keeping faith thru it all.

Love the picture and analogy...

I must say I don't think any of my kids ever climbed out of their cribs so you are probably gonna have your hands full with that little rascal! ;)

Andrew's mom said...

Just wanted to tell you something funny that happened when I left your house a minute ago. Every time I leave, I go straight home, so Andrew always sits in my lap. The time you guys took me us home in the rain, Andrew was in my lap too.Reece came up to my window and said, "when is Andrew going to get his own seat?" I thought that was so funny, he thinks I haven't even bought Andrew a car sear yet!~

Angela said...

Thanks for the great update on you, Steph!! I am totally praying that God will just rid your body of this disease and it will never ever return.
We are SO looking forward to Saturday!! I hope you're not too stressed planning it! Can we bring anything? Please let me know.
HUGS!!

maryanne420 said...

steph, that was beautifully written! i also loved that picture of you with the very small boat in the background.

i'm continuing to lift you up in prayers.

Jord, Ali, Halle and Belle said...

Been praying for you that illness stays at bay. So glad to hear that you are doing holding "steady" in a sense.

Anonymous said...

just wanted you to know I am praying for you this evening as I lie here myself. I loved your post w/ all the boys stuff -- oh goodness, I remember the days like yesterday -- oh, and you have so much to look forward to too! my mom use to tell me when I was growing up that i would have a house full of boys... I use to babysit for a woman who had two sets of twins -- all boys... you'd think I'd have been prepared for these four I have now - but nope, they throw me a surprise or two or three everyday! but oh I love it!!!!

on pre-arranged marriages... my husband comes from that back ground ~ I was prearranged to marry his brother by his dad. Thank God that didn't happen! my dad wasn't into prearranged marriages thank goodness, and well, God is sovereign - that's how I met Robert... and he was impressed with my dad's response to his dad over the issue and thought he'd pursue me himself though that wasn't his dad's plan.... long story, our love story... but we've definetly seen the bad rap that can come from pre-"arranged" marriages (all his other siblings). I think though I know what you mean by it though that you aren't just into the world's way of shop around and do the whole game thing~ we're really wondering how the Lord will lead us, our children in all that when the day comes... we know the down sides to both ditches -- I think it must come down to being led by the Holy Spirit? anyway, something I've thought a lot about cause we've walked through it :)

blessings to you and I love your posts!

lys