This picture reminds me of the real me on a daily basis caring for my boys and realizing God's calling on my life.
Angie Smith's post ministered to me SO much as I am dealing with similar issues these days thanks to my commenting friend (who really dislikes me).
Her name is "Anonymous". I have come to love her because she constantly makes me evaluate myself and search my heart by her mean comments.
I hope I never come across as she sees me...self-seeking, a liar, judgemental and fake. I don't want to be that girl. I am just a girl who wants to love Jesus with all her heart but struggle everyday to do that. How He can use me, I have no idea. I am VERY perplexed by how God can use me knowing all that He does about me. There are no secret sins with God. I found that out the hard way early in my walk with the Lord. I don't have secrets now because separation from God is unbearable for me. I need Him every minute of every day and don't want things in my life that distance me from His Love and His Voice.
I have opened my life wide-open on this public blog and I guess there is a price to pay for that. I don't want to go private.
Not that I am sinless and perfect... My house is a mess. My boys are nuts. I look TERRIBLE without makeup. I have screamed at God about my suffering. Tim and I have an awful fight about once a year where we break all the rules and hurt each other purposely. I am addicted to Junior Mints. I gave my frame money to my amazing friends in Ethiopia and then REALLY wished I hadn't when I was at the outlets last weekend. I neglect God's Word. I envy other people's health and ability to have babies. I have cellulite on my legs...
I don't want to be a phony.
My story: Jesus relentlessly pursued me until I accepted His love in college and He changed my life. Anything good in my life is from Him and through Him.
I am, however, determined to be USED by Him to reach people with the love He has shown me.
"Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."
"Lord, You know the greatest goal to which I can aspire is to be used by You. But deep in my heart of hearts, do I really want You to use me, or do I just want to use You? Who gets the credit when You move through my life? When I speak healing words to someone, or when I reach out to the needy, do they glorify You or me? Am I willing to be unknown, unappreciated, unrecognized? Is my need for human approval greater than my desire to see You praised? Lord, have mercy on me. Don't let me squander the eternal rewards of heaven on the fleeting accolades of men. May all that I do be for the praise and honor of Your name."
Prayer from my Worship Bible this morning