Believing.

I know there are so many needs greater than mine but I am writing in need of your prayer.

Yesterday, I spoke to the Dr in New York about what is going on. I told him how difficult the last couple of weeks have been for me.

( Side note: I have been homeschooling in bed. The boys love it! When the baby is sleeping, we pray, say scripture and read books for hours while snuggled up in my big, comfy bed. They have no idea this isn't exactly ideal. :)

My Dr. believes we need to cut back on my dosage of medicine- that it may be too much. I was thankful to hear that. At the end of our conversation, he said if we don't see a response from this next round, he will be putting me back on intravenous meds. My heart sank. I have already had 2 picc lines in the past and have 2 scars on my arms that remind me of the 17 weeks of misery I endured. I had one while I was pregnant with Lake (he was very unplanned and a gift straight from heaven-- God is so good).

A picc line is an IV that goes directly into your heart, pumping powerful antibiotics in to fight the infection. Effective yet HORRIBLE.

I said to the Dr., "and what if it DOES respond?". He said,

"then you are HOME FREE."

Oh, I felt like I could almost touch the freedom. So close!!!

So, I am asking you to pray that God will heal me during this final try with the oral antibiotics.

I know this whole thing is so crazy from the outside. I would have thought I was emotionally unstable and a hypochondriac had it not been ME. (Oh, how I wish I was making this up). Here is the deal... Because the drs missed it and I was misdiagnosed, I missed my window of opportunity in the beginning. If you catch Lyme disease early, it is no big deal. If you miss it, you are in TROUBLE. Some people fully recover, some never do. I cannot have another child because it can be passed to the baby during pregnancy and I am not healthy enough to take care of a newborn at this point anyway.

My main symptoms are arthritic pain, headaches, and just feeling like I have flu aches all the time. (You know when you have a fever and your neck or your muscles get sore?-- that is it.) The intensity changes daily. I am terrible at describing the symptoms so it is a pure miracle that you haven't discounted me as a 'girl who says she sick-but doesn't look sick- weird person'. Most of the time, I don't want to talk about the nightmare this has been so I pretend like it isn't real.

The good news is because I have had really great symptom-free weeks, the dr is very encouraged that there will be no irreversible damage.

I could give you lots of confusing Lyme disease information but I have never felt like this has anything to do with who I am. I don't want it to identify me and the whole disease is maddening anyway.

Basically, I am a child of God who has suffered with physical pain.

We all have trials. This happens to be mine.
I have seen God use this trial in ways I never dreamed possible. I am SO thankful that He has shown me His ability to redeem our darkest days and make them something beautiful.

But, now, I feel like freedom is within reach!

I believe this battle will be won by prayer more than antibiotics.

I have about 2 or 3 months for God to say,

"Peace, Be still"

to my storm and it WILL immediately bow in submission.

I know He can do it.

I am believing He will do it.

Total healing. Total Glory. All Jesus.

I loved the story on Beth Moore's blog when she talked about her friend with cancer that asked friends to pray. Beth said,

" She sought the Lord for Scriptures then told us what to pray for her and how to pray and that,

if we were going to doubt, not to bother."

I intend to pray in faith that God is going to intervene with my health. If He doesn't... because of His greater (and better) will for my life, that is ok. His grace will sustain me no matter what and my faith will not be shaken.

BUT, IT WON'T BE ON ACCOUNT OF MY LACK OF FAITH.

I am the persistent widow. :)

"yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her,

lest by her continual coming she weary me.' "

Luke 18:5

************

If you will pray and believe God for healing along with me in the next few months,

please leave me a comment simply saying,

"Believing".

Believing God can heal me.

Believing God will heal me.

Believing God does what is best.

But, this isn't all about me.

I want you to also enter into that throne room boldly for YOUR situation.

After my last post, I heard from some of you about fighting despair in your own storms and

I couldn't stop thinking about these words...

"I will go before you and will level the mountains;

I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron."

Isaiah 45:2

Girls, these verses speak clearly...God does the impossible.
Think your situation is impossible? Mine is too, but it doesn't matter.

He levels mountains, breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

Get in His Word, and get on your knees and ask Him to rescue you from your bondage.

"Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us,

he is able to accomplish INFINITELY MORE

than we would ever dare to ask or hope."

Ephesians 3:20

:) :) :)

How about this verse I just found?!?!

(would love for you to pray this one over me)...

"But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their families like flocks."

Psalm 107:41

My heart's desire packed into one tiny verse!!!!

Tim is wishing I hadn't found this one. ;)

Email me if I can pray for you.

Believing~

Steph