I didn't sleep at all Friday night due to nerves and contractions and Tim, mom and I headed to the hospital Saturday morning at 6 am. My doctor broke my water around 8:30 am. He said if the contractions didn't start, he would have to do low doses of pitocin. I know enough about pitocin to know to stay FAR away from it if you don't have pain meds. So, I started walking the halls trying to get my contractions to start. We walked and walked and walked and walked. Slowly the contractions started. They weren't really painful and I would giggle through them while Tim and I held hands waving at the nurses. It was fun and romantic just to be with Tim walking the halls and squeezing his hand through contractions.
I cannot believe Tim still loves me after what he saw last night. All 9 of us have a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder now thanks to me. My mom told me today that it is the worst thing she has ever gone through in all of her life-- listening to me scream in pain. My friend Suzy actually started a blog today after hearing me cry out to God in such pain. The blog is great. Kind of embarassing that I put my friends and family through so much psychological distress.
Read her blog if you have time!!
I used to not understand how people who had been in a war and gone through traumatic events suffered PTSD 40 years later. Now, I DO.
With the boys, this (delivery)was a special time. With Hope, I could not enjoy my first minutes or even hours with her. I am still trying to process something so traumatic and my nerves are still shot. I will NEVER NEVER NEVER consider another med-free child birth. I will never recommend one without warning. It was horrible.
He BECAME the curse for us.
Ok! I am officially done talking about natural delivery. I am going to pretend like that never happened or I start to have an anxiety attack. If you are thinking of going natural, try it! Maybe you will jump right through that ring of fire. :) I am pretty sure your doctor will be there too.
Time to think on things that are right, noble, true, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy and excellent. And, there is a tiny little girl who likes to suck her thumb and is all of those things.
God is so good! He answers prayers and He gives His children the BEST gifts.
To the praise of His glorious grace!
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."