Crew Joshua Blackiston

Since everybody wants to know about the delivery... here ya go... raw coverage-

I delivered our sweet baby boy a few hours ago. It always helps me to write and begin to process the miracle of delivery...  to REMEMBER before the whirlwind of "life" clouds my memory.

When I got to the hospital today I was 5 1/2 cm and 90% effaced. I came by myself and was here for a couple hours alone while Tim left work, went home, got mom and got our children settled in with the babysitter. It was kind of an eery feeling driving myself to the hospital alone and checking in alone. It was cool though because it took me back to my early days in my relationship with Christ. I was praying and talking to Him on the drive in the car. It was just us and it was sweet. I asked Him to walk with me through the delivery because I was really starting to get scared.
All of the sudden, I didn't want to deliver a baby and the memories of the pain of Hope's delivery came rushing back... especially when I saw the same halls and the same Labor and Delivery Room. Anxiety started to take over as I considered another natural delivery.

The nurse who checked me in was very kind and asked me 1,000 health questions. (Wow, am I thankful that most of my answers to her questions were "no"!)  I told her I was going to try another natural delivery because I didn't want a needle in my spine because of having a spinal headache and blood patch in the past. She encouraged me to talk to the anesthesiologist and had him come in. He was an older man who has been doing epidurals for longer than I have been alive. He was very soft spoken, kind, and experienced. I told him my fears and my experience and he graciously answered my questions.

I began to consider getting an epidural for the first time. I didn't want one but I didn't want to go through that blinding pain again either.

Thanks to Eve, there is no easy way out of child birth. I like to blame her for all this, although, if it hadn't of been her- it would have been ME who took that apple. Why do we all still fall for the enemy's SAME tricks?
Anyway, back to the birth story...

I got a text from Tim. He and my mom were stuck in a traffic jam. I was all the sudden very grateful that Jesus doesn't have to drive. LOL. AND that He doesn't sleep.
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deut 31:8
"Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps."
Ps 121:4 
What a cool Husband with a capital "H".
I texted Tim about talking to the epidural guy and he begged me to do it. Actually, his text said

"DO IT!!!! Let's have fun.".

I knew Hope's delivery was not fun for anybody and it was far from "fun" for Tim as I was grabbing his shirt   collar, foaming at the mouth, and screaming "HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs for approximately an hour. 

So, I began to pray about it... Asking God to give me wisdom. My contractions didn't really hurt at all yet so I was torn. 

Tim and mom finally made it and then my beloved OB came and I told him my turmoil about getting the epidural. He asked me what my greatest hesitation was and I told him I was afraid of another spinal headache. He told me he sees about 1spinal headache every 3 years and that he couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't be that one... but it is unlikely.

I had 3 great experiences with epidurals with my first 3 boys so it was really getting tempting. The only problem I had ever had was itching due to the fentanyl in the drug. Our anesthesiologist friend told us it was due to the fentanyl so I asked if they could take that out. The nurse called the pharmacy and asked if they could mix a bag without the narcotics and they said yes. So, after looking into Tim's big blue pitiful puppy dog eyes one last time, I caved. I did want this to be a good experience for him and I wanted to respect his desire. I think my mom did a round off back handspring when I finally said OK while my girlfriends who were there broke out in spontaneous worship. :)

So, at 7 cm and 90%, I got an epidural. My friend Valerie (who introduced me to Tim and has been at all 5 of the births with me) held my hands, prayed and sang while I was scared out of my mind knowing another needle was going in my spine. I really really HATE getting an epidural put in. It scares me to death.

So, after it was in, I could feel my legs start to get numb. I thought--
"I AM HOME FREE NOW! YIPPPPEEEE!! THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!

Part-aaaayyyyyy Time.
Pass out the party hats and noisemakers."

But, as I got to 8 and then 9 centimeters, my contractions started to HURT. The epidural pump wouldn't stop beeping and no one knew what was wrong with it. It just quit working. The guy said (basically) that it didn't recognize the bag of medicine they had mixed specially for me without narcotics because it was different. WHAT??????????? I  sat there quietly while the contractions started to really hurt (since the pitocin was now cranked) thinking...

"Fix the stinkin' pump before somebody dies."

The pump did not get fixed. It shut off after about 10 minutes of working and was just beeping. Thankfully, I did have the medicine that he had given me through a syringe. I was NOT happy about this even though it was my fault for asking to have the fentanyl taken out.

So, now I'm 10 cm and baby is coming and my contractions are really hurting. The only epidural deliveries I knew were pain-free. This is not what I was hoping for. As I began to push, it gets really bad. Not as bad as Hope but starting to get close. My OB informs us that Crew is sunny-side-up and stuck behind my um..."girl" bone (the word "pubic" makes me get the heeby-geebies). 

***FYI- I am on pain meds right now so this post may be a little odd. Lol.

I was pushing and pushing and pushing. I have NEVER had to do that before. My other babies have just  popped right out... while I was really only holding my breath and pretending to push. This time I was PUSHING and nothing seemed to be happening. I was starting to go into panic again because of the pain. My legs were shaking. I did not like this. I couldn't do it any more. Tim and the nurse are cheering for me. Tim kept asking me if I was ok and every time I would answer, "I just want to know he is ok and healthy".  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity and hearing my OB count to 10 four thousand times, Crew slipped around my "girl" bone. And the rest of the birth was easier.

As my doctor is delivering the baby, he tells me he thinks Crew has red hair. We are due a red head. I just want him to be healthy and for the crazy pain to stop.

Even though my epidural was not fully working, I was SO thankful for the little bit it was because I could NOT have had him naturally. I cannot imagine that delivery with nothing.

Crew Joshua Blackiston was born into our world and our hearts at 11:07 and weighed 7 pounds and 12 ounces. I was kind of in my emotional "shut down and recovery mode" as the pitocin was continuing to kick out major after-birth contractions.  Ughhh. I was completely spent- total exhaustion. I was happy to have others welcoming him into the world because I wasn't the best welcoming committee as I shook and curled up in a ball.

It has taken me a few hours (and a beautiful percocet to stop the pain) to start to come back to "normal". I have only seen Crew for a few minutes. I don't know if his hair is red. I don't think so. He is definitely our lightest-haired newborn. It is 4:45 am and he is getting ready to come back from the nursery. I am so excited to see him. I saw him as I rolled by the nursery on my hospital bed. He is adorable. He looks so much like Hope to me. Our last 3 (Lake, Hope, and Crew) all look a lot alike. I guess we are "that homeschool family" that has lots of kids that all look alike. :)

Now, as the pain of delivery is over and I sit in my little recovery room alone, I am just stunned by the goodness of God. Why in the world He has given me so much... I have no idea.
In the 15 years I have been married to Christ, I have experienced some very dark valleys. He was there. And I have experienced many mountain tops. He was there. His hand guiding me and holding me fast- never letting go for an instant. What a cool relationship we can have with the Maker of the Universe!  Please let me encourage you who are currently in a valley-
He is there.
He is able.
He is good.
There is divine purpose in your suffering.
Don't stop believing.
Don't stop praying.
Never stop hoping.
Just keep walking.
He is leading you to a land flowing with milk and honey.
 Stay in His Word.
It will guide you out of the darkness.
He has now brought me into a land flowing with milk and honey and it is beautiful. I can't take it all in. He has rescued me from many pits. Pits I have fallen into and pits I have jumped into. I am so undeserving of His love and His gifts but I am so thankful that God's love isn't based on merit. It is based on His character and His unfailing agape love toward us.

I can't wait for them to bring Crew back to me so I can stare at his fingers and toes and eyelashes and pray over him. I can't help but wonder about the plans God has for him.
Oh, that he may be a light in this dark world and be a part of the generation that sees Christ's return.

I am just sitting in here all by myself listening to worship music, drinking my apple juice with FABULOUS hospital ice (I love the ice here- the best!) and praising God.

"How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me?"

Psalm 116:12

 THERE IS NO WAY... 

BUT I WILL OFFER HIM MY LIFE AS A LIVING SACRIFICE.

Thank you, God, for my precious new son.

Help me to raise Him to know you and love you!

Pictures to come!
(I know some of you may not like the name "Crew" and that's ok. The name has great meaning to us. If you go back a few posts, I shared how we chose his name.  Basically, Crew means "chariot" and Joshua is the English spelling of "Yeshua" which is the Hebrew name for Jesus.
Chariot+Jesus.
My heart's desire is that this child will usher in the coming of Jesus Christ. There are a lot of scriptures that mention chariots with the coming of Christ. It reminds me of Christ being the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. His power. His coming reign upon this earth. His royalty.
 The coming of Christ is our Blessed Hope!
And I think you can learn to like it if you don't... just because he is really, really cute. :)
"See, the Lord is coming with fire, and his chariots are like a whirlwind;"

Is 66:15


Now it is time to pass out the party hats and noisemakers as we celebrate God's good and perfect gift to us.
Thank you for celebrating with us.
Be Blessed~
Steph