Life

I am in the last few days of pregnancy with Belle. I have mixed feelings about it as I just can't wait to see her face and hold her and kiss her but I am going to miss being pregnant. Even though it is uncomfortable and very hard (especially at my age!), I love it. I love being a vessel for life and feeling God's creative hand so close to me as He is knitting a new life in my womb. I have had vivid dreams (some prophetic) during this pregnancy. The Holy Spirit draws close to pregnant mommas. 

I've never felt the presence of God stronger than when I am delivering a baby. It feels like God puts all of His responsibilities (like operating the entire world) on hold while He stands beside me and gives me strength. Jesus Christ is all about NEW LIFE, creation, and birth. 

I still get nervous about every part of mothering. It is like the first time every time. I have never been good at the newborn stage because I coddle them so much! I just can't help it. My goal is that my babies NEVER CRY. :) So they have zero coping skills and usually don't sleep until about 9 months old. Maybe I will do better this time. Tim thinks it is funny because I say that every baby. And nothing changes.

I have to hang on to Jesus with everything I've got when I have a baby. It is hard to think straight and take my thoughts captive when I am exhausted. The enemy doesn't have pity and usually throws some crazy arrows in our lives when we are weakened. I am asking God to be merciful and build a wall around us during this time... I don't want a hedge- I want a BIG WALL.

I want to be found busy when Christ returns. I want to be busy about His business. I think Jesus is coming back soon. I have always thought that and I eagerly look to the clouds. There is a crown involved on those who are always looking and longing!

"Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."

2 Tim 4:8

The enemy is taking down leaders. Men at the top of fruitful ministries so he can collapse the whole thing. It usually begins with small compromises and after years of chipping away, the enemy has a strong enough foothold to cause them to fall. Then there seems to be a blindness and lack of repentance. Maybe that's because of the years of secrecy, I don't know but it is scary to watch. 

We have to be ALERT and constantly working out our own salvation with fear and trembling. We have to pray for our husbands because that is who the enemy wants to take down first. We have to be on guard in the spiritual realm and having high standards for what/who is allowed in our homes. We have to train our children to think strategically and critically and to know that our battle lies in an unseen realm. The vision to see is found through time in the Word and prayer. 

I loved reading this in my quiet time this morning...

When you walk, they will guide you;

when you sleep, they will watch over you;

when you awake, they will speak to you.

Prov 6

It reminded me of the importance of teaching our kids the Word and giving them a love/hunger for it!

It is going to guide them when we aren't there. If the Lord calls me home, I can rest knowing that the Word will continue to be their Teacher, watch over them, and speak to them. 

I think the older I get and the more I see, I have to fight a cynical attitude. It requires more to trust people when you have had a front row seat to a deceiver. It is hard to be child-like when you have lost your innocence due to the enemy's attacks. But, with all these experiences comes WISDOM and the opportunity to love when it's scary. And to search our own hearts so that we aren't being insincere or building our own idols that end up hurting others.  

I want to have a pure heart so I can SEE GOD.

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."

Matt 5:8

I want to be able to delight when others prosper. Some of the most powerful words to me in this pregnancy have come from women who are unable to have babies. Think of the courage and strength it takes to celebrate someone ELSE who is pregnant when it is the deepest desire of your heart. Women like that are amazing to me. Can we celebrate others when it hurts? I want to be able to do that. I remember the dr telling me I would never be able to have more children after number 3 because I would be too sick to care for them. Oh, the pain of hearing those words. But God.... My Healer intervened and blessed us with 5 more children. 

My immune system is still weakened from those long years of illness. If you think of it, please pray my health would stay strong after delivery. When I get too run down, I can get in to trouble with my health. I am going to try and eat healthy but I am not the most disciplined person... especially when I am sleepy. 

*****************

16 years ago I was days away from marrying Tim. We hardly knew each other but we KNEW we had found “the one the Lord has chosen” for us. God was so clear in confirming His plan to us. (Single girls-God is faithful to do that!)

I remember those days. Dreaming of what it would be like to be Tim’s bride. Bridal Showers and wedding rehearsals. Friends flying in town, etc...

I was so ready to be married but I could never have imagined a love like this. He is so much MORE than I could have dreamed. 

I tell him he has given me so much value and he says, “no. I just recognized the great value God put in you”. God has used this man to love me and heal me so deeply. He loves me Like Christ loves His Bride. 

We have battled hard for our marriage and we will never stop. 

We have been hit by the world, our own flesh, and the enemy. But God is on our side and stronger than all of those 3 combined. We have been through TERRIFYING storms.

Yet God has been and is our refuge and He is our STRONGHOLD.

*******

I look back at these pictures from dating, wedding (love the rose pic with my dad’s smiling face!!), and honeymoon in Maui and remember those early days. God has given us a fierce love for one another that grows stronger with time. (I love that I asked strangers to take pictures of us kissing on our honeymoon. Now we ask our kids...lol)

I gave Tim a globe for a wedding present and told him I wanted to change the world with him. Never EVER could I have imagined God would call us to raise 8 children to do just that (I pray!). We will celebrate our anniversary and renew our vows (we do it every year) Friday in the hospital as we meet our precious new daughter. I can’t wait!! No doubt she is the best anniversary gift we’ve ever gotten!!! I ADORE Tim. I can never thank God enough for a godly husband. We are far from perfect but we have been given a love that will never fail. “Let marriage be held in honor among all.”

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:4‬ ‭ “Love never gives up....love never fails”.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13

I had the most beautiful baby shower every. I can't believe that my precious friends through a baby shower for number 8 and that anybody actually came! That baby shower and Belle's gender reveal party were two of the most special days of my life. I just sit in Belle's room dreaming about her and oooing and awe-ing over every tiny thing!

I'll keep you posted! Headed to the Dr now to get an update!