Saturday, December 10, 2011


Just home from the ER after a real scare with Crew around 5:30 am. He just couldn't breathe and his little body seemed in distress. We made the call and flew out the door. I do not need to be in charge of an 8 week old struggling to breathe.
Thankfully, mom is here with us so we could just run out the door.  So, here we go flying to the Emergency Room with another one of our children. We have had to do this more than the average parent, I think. First was Evan when he got shigella and had a seizure. I thought he died in the car on the way to the Emergency room. He was about 7 months old, I think. That year, we went to the emergency room 8 times with 105+ fevers, croup, seizure, etc...Then, comes our sweet Lake Christian who has had many bouts with asthma. One that landed us in the hospital for days when Hope was about 5 weeks old. All of our kids get croup so I have spent countless nights up with steroids and breathing treatments asking God to open their lungs and give them breath. Nothing like a sick child to put you on your face in prayer.
Funny thing is that I don't think any of our kids remember these events. So, you have to wonder if God was just using them to mold and shape US and to teach US as parents.
I asked the Lord through tears after Crew's diagnosis that if He would just promise me Crew would not die, I could handle a week of sleepless nights and a baby who struggled to breathe. It is the fear of death that smothers me and sends me into despair. I just read this morning that our English word worry comes from an old Anglo-Saxon word that means "to strangle". Wow, isn't that true? I feel like I am being strangled when I am worrying. I have been worried SICK and it doesn't help or change anything, it just strangles my faith.
I pray as Peter Marshall prayed...
"that ulcers would not become the badge of our faith"
"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength"
Corrie Ten Boom
"How do we win over worry? The first step is to realize that God knows our needs, so we can trust Him to meet them. We are sheep in His flock, children in His family, and servants in His Kingdom; and He will see to it that our needs are fully met. It is His PLEASURE to give us His Kingdom, so will he not give us everything we need? (Rom 8:32)"
Warren Wiersbe

One time a friend sent me a prayer request and said, "Steph, I know you are a prayer worrier". HA! It was a typo but she was so right. I have never forgotten that typo. I think it was a sovereign one.
Am I a prayer warrior or a prayer WORRIER?  God is teaching me the vast difference.
So, as I drove my newly diagnosed RSV baby home, I just kept saying "You are my help. You are my help. You are my VERY PRESENT help in trouble."
"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble."
Ps 46:1
So Crew started coughing and gagging and getting choked at 5:30 am. You could see his little ribs as his tummy retracted to breathe and his breaths were short and labored.
So, this morning that all-too-familiar paralyzing fear was there as I prayed to God and cried out to Him to intervene and allow Crew to breathe. I held him in my arms in the car, quoting Scripture and singing praise songs. I kept thinking and speaking,
"Jehovah God, You are our STRONG TOWER."
"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe."
Prov 18:10
I keep speaking words of life over him like FAVOR, BLESSING, HEALING, LIFE, POWER, etc...
By the time we got to the Emergency Room, he was smiling, cooing and breathing normally.
Was that answered prayer or just the way RSV works? I'll let you decide.
Life with Jesus Christ is such a blessing. He is always with me and even though I feel like my world is out of control, I know it isn't. I know that He is holding all things together by the power of His Word.
"The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word."
Heb 1:3
Isn't that an awesome truth to know when life seems out of control? I don't know how people who don't walk this life with Jesus, do it. I truly don't.
We are supposedly in the worst part of the RSV (days 3/4).
It has been incredible to know how many people are praying for us. A friend showed up on my front porch last night and told me the Lord adamantly told her to come and pray over Crew. That's awesome! He fights for us and uses the body of Christ to help us in our need. What a blessing to be a part of such a beautiful group of people. She also brought hot Krispy Kremes!

I love my house. I am thankful to have such a wonderful home to be stuck in. I love to sit in front of the fire and light my big candles and just sit in my chair with sweet baby.
It is funny because our fireplace makes it really hot in here after a while so Tim opens doors and acts like he can't breathe. Guys are so different from girls. :) I turn lamps on- He turns lamps off. I light candles, he blows them out.
We need each other. ;)
What a privilege to care for these children. Just when I think "we can't survive this, we are in WAY over our heads", God enables.  
Even before all this illness came, I felt so inadequate to meet all the needs of the kids. I layed there thinking, "God, I can't do this. You have picked the wrong girl."
He clearly spoke to my heart.
"I know you can't. That is why I chose you. So I could do it through you and everyone will be able to see MY POWER through your weakness."
I have no idea why he has allowed me to have these sweet children or has believed in us to raise them.
But, He has and He helps us.
I cannot wait until no one is coughing. It has been a LONG week. But, we praise God for His grace to endure trials. I think of moms with chronically ill children. That blows my mind. I have so much respect for moms of children with chronic illnesses or disabilities. Having sick children is the HARDEST part of being a momma.
I am so comforted by this verse this morning...
I keep reading it over and over~
 "sustaining all things by his powerful word."
"sustaining all things by his powerful word."
 "sustaining all things by his powerful word."
I hope this encourages someone else out there who feels like their life, or their marriage, or their health, or their finances are spinning out of control. Repeat after me..
He sustains ALL THINGS by His powerful word.
Be blessed~


Lacy said...

ahh that was si hard to read. I cried. Im sorry steph. I can't imagine how scary that is. God uses times like these to show his provision and how comforting that is bc we know everything is part if His plan!

Erin said...

Oh Steph, I am so sorry for all you are going through!! I fell asleep praying for Crew last night by name. My prayers are continuing.

Nic said...

Praying for your family and your sweet baby! I can't even imagine....

last night after reading your blog I stopped to pray. I prayed for healing and comfort for Crew and then fellowship and support for you. Soon after I read the post about your visitors. I immediately gave thanks!

I will continue to pray!

Sarah Forliano said...

We've dealt with RSV :( Yuck... So Blessed to read your words of wisdom on worry- I am a "worrier" - and love the quotes and Bible verses you shared. Thank You For your Love of The Lord and His Word - and for sharing your life and struggles. I Am Blessed :) - Praying For Your Precious Little One...

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Praying for your sweet baby....

Katie Smith said...

Wow, the Lord laid you and your family on my heart Friday... No coincidences with Him. This Scripture has been a lot of strength and conviction for me this weekend:

"For thus the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, has said, 'In repentance and rest you will be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.' But you were not willing" Is 30:13

It's funny you posted about this right now, because I just left this blog before coming here: Courtney's baby Tripp is dying. It may be too heart-wrenching to look at their blog right now- but could you whisper prayers over these two this week? They need His touch.

Praying for you all. Blessings- Katie