The house is quiet and peaceful. The boys are in bed. Tim is practicing guitar with a friend. I am sitting in Hope's room. I spend a lot of time in here these days. It is not finished but I already love it. I will post pictures when it is done. This baby girl is already adding an element of femininity and grace to my life (and our family) that is just beautiful.
Last night, I was having a lot of contractions and a lot of pain that scared me. I took a hot shower and then got in bed. My doctor told me once that "if you lay down and the contractions stop, then they are only Braxton Hicks. If you lay down and they don't stop, call me".
It took a while but they finally stopped. I think I am having ligament stretching as well (probably due to the amount of food I consumed during Christmas :). I did start to worry last night. I worried about the baby and just wanted to feel her kicks but I also worried about how unprepared I was if she were to come this early.
I really want to go natural this time around but after looking at the cartoon pictures in a natural labor book, I am not sure I have what it takes. I even get humiliated for these cartoon people! Why are they naked? There is no reason to be naked when you are 3 cm dilated. I would DIE before I would let Tim see me naked in positions like they are in. I know if I saw him like that, I would be scarred for life. I still want him to want to make out with me after the delivery is over so there are certain things I JUST CANNOT DO IN FRONT OF MY HOT HUSBAND. People used to say to me in my other pregnancies, "Modesty flies out the window when you are in labor". WRONG!! I want Tim to think I am sexy after this whole thing is over so the less shockingly grotesque stuff he sees, the better.
So, I told Tim 1 of 2 things needs to happen...
1. I wear clothes the whole time (and draw beautiful nightgowns on all these cartoon people in the book while I prepare) or
2. He has to do every humiliating thing I have to do beside me so I won't be embarrassed in front of him... oh, and he has to be naked too---
not sure how he would have his cervix checked but I would find an adequately private male body part as a substitute on him to be painfully checked.
He chose #1.
He is not on board AT ALL with the natural stuff. He thinks I am nuts for even considering it.
He is not on board AT ALL with the natural stuff. He thinks I am nuts for even considering it.
He always says "do I give people root canals with no anesthesia?".
The only reason I am considering it is because I want to lessen the chance for something to go wrong (I have had a spinal tap go furiously wrong-- I KNOW it happens) and I want to do everything I can do to protect this little girl. I am already very protective of her. But, I am also not looking forward to the pain. So, I will probably chicken out but I met with a doula yesterday and am moving in the "natural" direction. Talk to me again at 5 cm. And please tell me of any good books you have read in this area.
The holidays and the girl's conference at our house have really taken up a lot of my time and now I am realizing how soon I could be seeing my baby girl that I prayed and prayed for. It all still seems too good to be true. I have started shopping for her and am having a ball. Tim hung a chandelier in her nursery and it just plain makes me HAPPY. I walk by the room to see it every chance I get.
After last night's scare, I spent most of today washing her clothes, organizing drawers, putting out diapers, cleaning closets, getting the car seat ready, and simply thinking of my baby girl. While I was vacuuming out the drawers of her chest and placing clean clothes in her drawers, a thought occurred to me...
"Do I anticipate Jesus' coming like this?"
There are so many similarities between the birth of a baby and Christ's return for His Bride. The Bible says there will be "birth pains "or contractions pointing to His coming. Just as my contractions tell me my daughter is getting closer, there are contractions telling us that Jesus is getting closer.
"Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains."
"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time."
If you know Jesus Christ as your Savior, then Scripture says He is coming back for us. I, personally, believe in the rapture and that we will hear a trumpet and meet Him in the clouds. How is that going to work? I have no idea.
My boys were just asking me what it would feel like to fly up into the clouds when I read these verses. Their eyes got HUGE. A boys dream come true... to fly up into the clouds.
Again, how is this going to happen?
I am not sure. But, God's Word says it and so I BELIEVE IT.
"I can tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not rise to meet him... For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the call of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, all the Christians who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and remain with him forever."
1 Thes 4:15-17
How exciting is that? But, just as I don't know the day or the hour my darling baby girl is coming, I don't know the day or the hour I will hear that trumpet.
But, I can sure be getting ready!
As I was putting everything in its perfect place in Hope's room and making sure everything was clean and ready... it hit me. Am I doing the same for Christ's return? Getting everything ready for the day I see Him? Cleaning out even the dusty corners of my heart? Giving Him the best of everything?
I come in this beautiful room and I just sit. I sit and think about Hope. What will she be like? What will she look like? When is she coming? I feel her presence more in here when it is quiet and I can just dream about her.
Do I do that with Christ? Do I anticipate the day and dream about what it will be like? Do I long to be quiet and in a place that makes me sense His presence until I see Him?
I know this may be starting to sound cheesy. Especially to those who are not Christians but this IS our Blessed Hope! The glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ!
"...while we wait for the blessed hope–the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ"
I remember reading about Corrie Ten Boom ( I think. I can't find this quote to save my life) that she would wake up and look out the window at the clouds with anticipation and say,
"Is it today, Lord?".
That is the heart I want.
As I was thinking about these things, I thought how different my life would be if I started my days out like that. Watching and waiting for my Savior.
To wake up every morning wondering... "Is it today, Lord?".
Want to know something really cool?
There is actually a crown given for those who eagerly await His returning!
"And now the prize awaits me--the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his glorious return."
2 Tim 4:8
I want that crown! :)
(Maybe I will even get to wear it for 1 second before I
lay it down at His feet while praising Him)
"They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
I decided that I am going to try something and see what happens.
Every morning, I am going to pray that God would show me something beautiful in His Word and show me how I can serve Him that day. Would this simple act change my day... or even my life?
I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately by daily life... The needs of my family, Keeping my house clean, Homeschool, Ministry, Time in the Word, etc...
It seems that when I get frazzled and stressed out, I have usually drifted from my first love-- Jesus.
I am operating out of my own strength and not putting Christ first.
I am a much better mom when I walking in the Spirit. My boys will see Jesus instead of a stressed out mommy... IF I am seeking Him first and operating out of His love.
I desperately want to be used by God. How He can use this frazzled momma, I don't know but it blows me away what He can do with a living sacrifice.
Lake loves to be in Hope's room with me. He already loves her. He says "Baby Hope" 100 times and just watches me fold her clothes and put out her diapers. He knows she is coming. He doesn't understand hardly anything but he watches His mommy getting ready and knows that Baby Hope is coming. He is falling in love with someone he has never met because he sees how I am preparing for her, how I love her and that she is REAL.
In the same way, our children watch our lives, and our decisions. They may have a limited ability to understand but if they see us preparing our lives and living by faith that Jesus is coming soon, then they will BELIEVE. Are my life and my decisions pointing my children to the coming of Christ? Are my daily actions showing my children that I love Christ and that He is REAL even though they can't see Him?
Oh, I pray so!!!
But, I can't fabricate that. It must be a fruit of a life just lived out loving my Savior.
So, here I sit in Hope's room... looking at the shadows on the wall from the chandelier... thinking and dreaming of her... watching my tummy move as she kicks...packing a bag for the hospital in case she comes early...making everything beautiful and ready for her arrival.
May I similarly long for the arrival of the One she is named after-
My Living Hope, My Blessed Hope.
"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,*we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."
1 John 3:2
"Come, Lord Jesus."